A delicious 5-course meal is a beautiful thing. It draws out the dining experience, making it more memorable. Fine dining isn’t the only thing that benefits from the service of “initial appetizers.” When it comes to sexual encounters, if all you’re being served is a cold hotdog, then chances are, you won’t be giving a good review. If you want your palette primed for the main dish, then you need to add foreplay to the menu.
How To Be Better At Foreplay
Okay, if you’re staring at the screen like a deer in the headlights because you want that “full-dining” experience but you’re not sure how or where to begin, settle in. We’re dishing out the goods today.
“Engaging in foreplay helps build emotional intimacy that can make you and your partner feel more connected in and out of the bedroom.” ~ Healthline
First things first, what is foreplay? Foreplay is any sexual activity that builds up arousal before intercourse. According to Healthline, “Foreplay triggers physiological and physical responses that make the sexual activity enjoyable and even possible. Engaging in foreplay helps build emotional intimacy that can make you and your partner feel more connected in and out of the bedroom.”
Great sex starts with a great buildup, and foreplay isn’t all touching. Before your bodies even hit the sheets, the conversations and texts you’ve had prior are contributing to the big finale. As you learn to talk openly about sex, your inhibitions lower and the bond between you and your partner grows because trust is formed. Leaving a post-it on the mirror that says, “I love you and every part of you too.” That’s foreplay. Another form of note-writing is sexting. This doesn’t require much thought or creativity. You can simply say what you want to do later or how hot it makes you when they touch you. Sending your desires via text is a great way to get the ball rolling without having the pressure of saying what you want in person. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can snap some partially nude pics and send them too. See what response those trigger!
It’s time to delve deeper into the many forms of foreplay and select what you want to try. As a quick disclaimer, anytime you add something new to the bedroom, both parties should feel safe, secure, and loved. Here are some fun foreplay ideas to add you your menu:
1. Set The Mood
Since every good romance starts with a good setting, light scented candles, set out strawberries with whipped cream and chocolate sauce, and cue the sexy music. Yes, music. According to a recent study, over half of the participants said that music improved their sex lives. Why? Because both sex and music trigger our brains to produce a chemical called oxytocin (aka the love hormone). When partners listen to the same music together, their neurons release oxytocin at the same rate. Get those hormones flowing by creating your personal playlist. Need some ideas? Check out “Closer To You” by The Wallflowers, “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak, “Falling Into You” by Celine Dion, and “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. Vella also has curated playlists on Spotify.
2. Kiss Like You Mean It
This isn’t the time for a goodbye peck. It’s the time to press your bodies together and kiss like it’s the last kiss you’ll ever have. To quote the coming-of-age movie The Sandlot, “[Squints Palledorous] had kissed a woman. And he kissed her long and good.” That’s how it should be done. Kiss like you’re teenagers.
3. Relive The Best Moments
Think back to those dates when the air was electric, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Remember those times and relive them in the present. This could be returning to former date-night spots, wearing the same clothes you had on during those close encounters, or recycling old moves.
Pick your melody and let your bodies feel the music. This could be a slow dance with your breath hot on his neck or it could be uptempo grinding. It’s totally up to you. Something magical happens when two bodies are moving closely together.
This might mean stepping out of your comfort zone, but it's okay to share your fantasies. Maybe some you’ll try and maybe some you won’t. But if you land on a few that sound enticing, give it a shot. Perhaps tonight, you’re a naughty nurse or a college professor. Or take the play out of the house and pretend you’re strangers meeting in a bar. Emily Morse, Ph.D., host of the podcast Sex With Emily says, "This is a chance to let go and act out a fantasy you’ve always wanted to try, or simply feel it out in the moment. You get the thrill of a 'one-night stand' without the hassle or infidelity." The key to roleplaying is finding the scenarios that work for you.
“This is a chance to let go and act out a fantasy you’ve always wanted to try, or simply feel it out in the moment. You get the thrill of a 'one-night stand' without the hassle or infidelity." ~ Emily Morse, Ph.D.
You don’t need to be a great dancer to strip. Stripping is an erotic act of confidence. Dim the lights and slowly remove your clothing. Meet their eyes as you strip off layer after layer, and maybe cast a naughty grin.
7. Use Props
Using props like blindfolds, handcuffs, ice cubes, feathers, or toys (think vibrators or dildos) can add a new dimension to play and stimulation.
8. Hit The Zones
There are parts of the body called erogenous zones that have heightened sensitivity and respond to stimulation, which can result in arousal or orgasm. There are 15+ zones on the body. Some erogenous zones will have you yelling “Yes, yes, yes” while others might simply serve to pique your interest. And that’s okay. By mixing up the zones, you increase stimulation in a multi-faceted way so that when you hit that final note, it will be resounding. Some of the primary zones are lips, neck, earlobes, breasts, inner thighs, buttocks, and clitoris. Check out our Ultimate Guide to Erogenous Zones to learn how to explore every zone.
At the end of the day, foreplay should be fun. It should leave you saying, “We need to do that again.” And here’s the other thing, foreplay doesn’t always have to lead to penetrative sex. Sometimes, foreplay is the main course and when it’s done right, you’ll feel fully content afterward. Whichever dish you do choose to end on—we hope it’s one thing—orgasmically sweet.