How to Have a Better Orgasm: 8 Science-Backed Tips

When it comes to improving sexual pleasure, there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Everyone’s body is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. That said, science has uncovered some common factors and strategies that can help enhance your orgasms. Below are eight science-backed tips on how to have a better orgasm.

1. Masturbate

A key part of having a better orgasm is knowing what feels good for you. Self-exploration can help you identify what types of touch, pressure, and movement you enjoy. 

According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, regular self-pleasure helps women become more attuned to their bodies and can increase sexual satisfaction in partnered encounters. When you know what you like, you’re more likely to communicate your preferences effectively with a partner, leading to more pleasurable experiences.

2. Don’t rush

Foreplay isn’t just about setting the mood. It’s essential for stimulating the body and preparing it for orgasm. 

Foreplay boosts blood circulation to the genitals, which is essential for sexual arousal. This increased blood flow not only enhances natural vaginal lubrication, making penetration more comfortable and enjoyable but also causes the vulva and clitoris to swell, heightening their sensitivity and responsiveness to touch.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that foreplay — specifically, a combination of kissing, genital stimulation, and oral sex — can significantly improve a woman’s ability to reach orgasm.

Your body is covered in erogenous zones, so make the most of them! Before you even reach the genitals, try touching (or having your partner touch) your earlobes, lips, neck, nipples, stomach, and inner thighs. Pro tip: incorporate Vella’s pre-play Arousal and Orgasm Cream for easier, longer, more intense, and more satisfying orgasms. 

3. Focus on the clit

According to a survey published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, only 18.4% of women reported that penetration alone was enough to orgasm, while 36.6% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse. Additionally, combining vaginal and clitoral stimulation can lead to more intense orgasms — 36% of women indicated that their orgasms felt better if their clitoris was stimulated during penetrative sex.

The position you choose can make a big difference in how you experience pleasure. Positions that allow for deeper penetration or better clitoral stimulation tend to increase the chances of reaching orgasm. Using toys (like a clitoral vibrator) can also add variety to your experiences.

4. Communicate with your partner

Open communication with your partner is essential for improving sexual satisfaction. Studies indicate that when couples discuss their desires, boundaries, and preferences, the likelihood of sexual satisfaction increases. 

The Journal of Sex Research found that mutual understanding and clear communication were positively correlated with better sexual experiences. We know it might seem daunting and maybe a bit awkward at first, but don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you enjoy or what feels good. Dirty talk and positive reinforcement can be playful ways to communicate your likes with your partner. 

5. Pay attention to your mental state

Stress and anxiety can greatly impact sexual performance and pleasure. Research shows that when you’re anxious or preoccupied, it becomes harder for you to fully relax and enjoy yourself. 

You or your partner could be doing all right things, but if your mind is somewhere else worrying about what happened at work, the list of chores you need to get done, or that weird mole that you should get checked out, orgasm is pretty much off the table.

Mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation, can help reduce anxiety and help you stay present during sexual activity. Taking the time to unwind and set a positive mindset can make a significant difference in how your body responds.

6. Use (lots and lots of) lube

Lube! Is! Your! Friend! Age, hormonal changes, and certain medications make vaginal dryness more and more likely, making sex uncomfortable and hindering orgasm. Sometimes, you may be in perfect health and be super turned on, but your vagina still doesn’t get the memo. Even if you have no issues getting wet, natural lubrication usually wears off, so it’s helpful to top it up with some lube. 

Studies show that lube not only reduces friction during sex, making it more comfortable, but it enhances a sexual experience regardless of your age, gender, or specific health condition. Basically, everyone should be using lube if they want to have better sex.

Opt for a silicone-based lube like Vella’s Super Slip & Slide for long-lasting deep hydration and quick-acting slick lubrication, or a water-based option like the Intimate Elixir if you’re using silicone toys.  

7. Don’t neglect your pelvic floor

The pelvic floor muscles help support the bladder, uterus, vagina, and rectum and play a big role in getting aroused and reaching orgasm. When you’re turned on or having an orgasm, your pelvic floor muscles contract rhythmically. These contractions not only boost pleasure but also make orgasms more intense and satisfying. They’re responsible for the waves of sensation you feel during climax, as they help control tension and the pulsing movements at the peak of sexual pleasure.

Keeping these muscles in optimal health is one of the key factors contributing to satisfying sex. While some women need to strengthen their pelvic floor, others may need to learn how to relax them, as only muscles at an optimal length can function properly. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist to help assess your pelvic floor needs is always a good idea!

8. And finally, stop trying to have an orgasm

This tip might seem counterintuitive given what this blog is about, but hear us out. As women, there's a lot of pressure to achieve orgasm (especially when society has largely overlooked, if not shunned, female pleasure). We're constantly told that we should be having more orgasms — better, stronger, longer ones that leave us in a breathless puddle of ecstasy — so it can be incredibly frustrating when it doesn't happen. 

Orgasms are often viewed as the ultimate measure of sexual success, which is partly the problem. Traditional ideas about sex suggest that a sexual encounter isn't "worth it" unless you reach climax, and if you have difficulty reaching orgasm, you might feel like there’s something wrong with you. And when the female orgasm has been labeled "too complicated" to be worth pursuing, it's no wonder why it's such a loaded topic. But orgasm isn’t the only measure of a fulfilling sexual experience: pleasure is. 

This doesn’t mean you should accept a lackluster sex life or experiences where your needs are ignored. Every woman deserves to feel pleasure and satisfaction, but making orgasms the sole focus of sex takes all the fun out of it. 

Sex shouldn’t just be about achieving an end goal, but rather fun, passion, excitement, and closeness. If we can learn to put less pressure on ourselves and just be in the moment, sex becomes so much more pleasurable — and ironically, orgasm becomes so much more likely. Ralph Waldo Emerson probably wasn’t talking about sex when he said “It's not the destination, it's the journey,” but it definitely applies!