Sex After Cancer: Navigating Desire, Arousal, and Intimacy

A cancer treatment journey can be life-changing in many ways, including how it impacts your sexual health. If you’re wondering about how your sex life might change, know that you’re not alone. Research suggests that more than 60% of women with cancer experience sexual dysfunction, but that doesn’t mean sex after cancer is a pipe dream. 

For many women, cancer does bring changes to desire, arousal, orgasm, and sexual pain. It’s important to approach these shifts with patience and self-compassion, recognizing that while things may be different, they can still be fulfilling. Below is a guide to what sex after cancer might look like, along with some expert advice on how to have a satisfying sex life after treatment. 

How cancer treatment affects your sex life

Dealing with cancer and its treatments like chemotherapy, radiation, or surgeries such as mastectomies can affect your sexual health in different ways. 

These treatments, along with the emotional strain of a cancer diagnosis, can bring about physical, emotional, and practical challenges that might change how you feel about yourself and your sexual well-being. 

The impact of cancer treatment on your sexual health can vary depending on factors such as the type of cancer, the specific treatment you receive, the dosage and length of the treatment, your age, and the time that has passed since treatment. Here’s a look at some of the common ways cancer and its treatment can affect your sex life:

Desire

It’s not uncommon for women to experience a reduced interest in sex after treatment. About 50% of breast cancer survivors report sexual difficulties, including a lower libido. Treatments that impact hormones, such as chemotherapy, can mimic or induce menopause-like symptoms, leading to decreased sexual desire. After all, it’s entirely understandable if sex is the last thing on your mind while you’re going through cancer treatment!

Emotional factors play a role, too. Women diagnosed with breast cancer, for example, are at a higher risk for depression and anxiety. Studies show these conditions can further reduce libido, as mental health is closely tied to sexual interest. 

However, a decrease in desire doesn’t mean you need to give up on sex altogether. Finding ways to feel good about your body and connect with someone you love is still valuable. For some women, a cancer diagnosis may even bring them and their partner closer, as they navigate these challenges together.

Arousal

Even if you are in the mood for sex, keep in mind that your body's response to sexual stimulation might not be the same as it was. It's totally normal for cancer treatments to affect things like blood flow, nerve sensitivity, and hormone levels, which can lead to issues like vaginal dryness, tightness, or discomfort during sex.  

It’s also important to know that changes in sexual function are often linked. For example, physical symptoms like vaginal dryness can lead to emotional distress, which then affects desire. Addressing these concerns holistically can help you reclaim a sense of normalcy and pleasure.

Using a water-based lubricant, vaginal moisturizer, or estrogen cream (if recommended by your healthcare provider) can really help improve comfort. Depending on the type of cancer and treatment you’ve had, your healthcare provider might also recommend the use of vaginal dilators to address vaginal tightness and painful sex.

And remember, there are plenty of other ways to be intimate besides intercourse — non-penetrative alternatives like mutual touching, oral sex, or masturbation can be just as (if not more) pleasurable. One study found that 70% of cancer survivors and their partners renegotiated the way they view sex. So take your time, explore what works best for you, and know that there are many ways to experience sexual enjoyment.

Intimacy 

Dealing with cancer can affect relationships in many different ways. For some women, going through diagnosis and treatment can bring them closer to their partner, while others may struggle with feeling disconnected or self-conscious about changes to their bodies. These changes, such as scars, weight fluctuations, or hair loss, can impact self-esteem and make it hard to feel attractive.

It's essential to remember that intimacy and sex aren't mutually exclusive. While you may not have the energy (or interest) in sex, that doesn’t mean you want to give up on intimacy in your relationship. Being open and communicating with your partner is really important. Share your feelings, worries, and needs, and encourage them to do the same. It's normal to have concerns about how cancer will affect your relationship, but talking about it can help strengthen your bond and support both of you through these changes. 

You might also find that your usual routines and roles have shifted, impacting your relationship dynamics. This is normal, and acknowledging these changes can be a first step toward adjusting together. Practical issues like fatigue or managing medical appointments can take a toll on your energy and desire for intimacy, but focusing on small ways to reconnect — like holding hands, sharing a hug, or taking time for quiet moments — can make a significant difference.

Ask questions

If you’re struggling with sexual health concerns, you might have to be proactive and ask your doctor how cancer treatment might affect your sexual life. A study found that less than half of gynecologic oncologists routinely inquire about sexual health, and many feel they don’t have enough time or training to address these issues adequately. By starting the conversation, you open the door to getting the support and resources you need. Some questions you might want to ask include: 

• Will treatment and/or surgery affect my sex life? If so, how?
• When are these changes likely to happen?
• How long might these issues persist? Are any of them likely to be long-term?
• What can be done to prevent, treat, or manage these problems?
• Which specialist(s) would you recommend I consult for more information?
• Are there any support groups in the area that you would suggest? 
• Are there certain times when sexual activity should be avoided?

Sexuality and intimacy are important aspects of overall well-being, and you don’t have to navigate these changes alone. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, seeking support from a therapist, support group, or specialist in sexual health can provide you with tools to improve your experience. Professionals can offer strategies, such as pelvic floor exercises, hormone therapies, or guidance on non-sexual ways to reconnect with yourself or your partner.

Finding what works for you

It's normal to wonder if your sex life will be the same after cancer. The truth is that some women may not notice any changes, while others might find that cancer affects their sex life or body image. It's hard to say exactly how cancer will impact your sexuality because everyone's experience is different. 

You might also find that the changes you experience are temporary and as you recover, your sex life gradually returns to normal. For others, certain changes may last longer or become a permanent part of their new reality. Don’t feel pressured to return to your pre-diagnosis self. Sex might look and feel different from what it once did, but the reality is that everyone's sex life evolves and fluctuates throughout life, whether you have cancer or not! Roll with the punches, take things at your own pace, and remain open to new ways of experiencing sexual pleasure. 

FAQ

Is sex good for cancer patients?

That's entirely subjective. It really depends on how you're feeling and where you are in your treatment. Sex can boost your mood, make you feel less stressed, and be closer to your partner, which is great for your overall well-being. For some women, it can also help them feel more connected to their bodies and get back to feeling normal after a cancer diagnosis. But if you're not feeling up for it because of treatment side effects like fatigue, pain, or vaginal dryness, that's completely normal. Listen to your body and prioritize your comfort without putting pressure on yourself to "get back to normal". If you do feel like having sex and it feels good, that's awesome and can be a healthy part of your recovery. But if not, that's okay too. Finding other ways to be close and take care of yourself is just as important. Always check with your healthcare provider for advice on what's safe and right for you, especially if you're getting treatment or dealing with side effects.

How to get your sex drive back after cancer?

Finding your libido after cancer can take time and patience. Treatments and the emotional impact of a diagnosis can significantly affect your interest in sex, so it's important to be gentle with yourself. Start by focusing on reconnecting with your body, perhaps with masturbation. Communication with your partner is also crucial. Expressing your feelings and needs can reduce pressure and create a supportive environment (for example, with a couple's therapist) where you feel safe exploring intimacy again. If you’re experiencing physical side effects like vaginal dryness or discomfort, talk to your doctor about options like lubricants, vaginal moisturizers, or hormone treatments that might improve your comfort during sex. Hormone therapy, pelvic floor exercises, or consulting a sexual health specialist may also help address physical changes. Remember, it’s okay to go at your own pace and explore different forms of intimacy. There's no right or wrong way to reconnect with your sexuality after cancer, so be kind to yourself and take the time you need.