Published on May 11, 2022
Words by Vella Team
Share
You just pushed an eight-pounder out of your body and your nipples are leaking, the last thing on your mind is probably sex. If this is you, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many women feel lack-luster toward sex postpartum.
After everything your body has gone through, it’s no wonder– 9 months of expansion during pregnancy, hours of delivery, potential perineal tears, episiotomy or cesarean, raging hormones, and lingering pain. Add on the exhaustion of having a newborn or postpartum depression, and well, it’s not a recipe for romance.
Here is the good news. Those feelings won’t last forever. A parenting site called Channel Mum did a survey asking participants how they viewed their sex lives post-children. 94 percent said they were perfectly fulfilled and 57 percent stated that sex was better after becoming parents! So, if you’re feeling anxious or exhausted right now, hang on, it’s going to get better.
“In a recent survey, 94 percent of women said they were perfectly fulfilled in postpartum sex, and 57 percent stated that sex was better after becoming parents!”
After delivering a baby, your body needs a break so things can “return to normal.” Your vagina, uterus and cervix all must contract back down to their original size. In addition, your body will bleed after birth to release the lochia (a discharge of blood, mucus, and uterine tissue). "When you're pregnant, hormones cause the uterine lining to thicken to support the placenta," says OB-GYN Christine Masterson, M.D. at Summit Medical Group in New Jersey. "After delivery, the uterus begins to contract and shrink back down to its usual size, and the uterine lining sheds." It is for these reasons that doctors recommend waiting 6 weeks before resuming penetrative sex. This stands for both vaginal deliveries and C-sections.
While fatigue, fear of pain, and low libido can hinder sexual reconnection, one of the biggest factors that cause women to avoid postpartum sex is body-image. Society has played a role in this mental stigma surrounding the body– “It’s almost as if women are expected to have babies… but then look like they didn’t,” says Chelsea Skaggs, founder of Postpartum Together in Ohio. We don’t need to be subjected to the “bounce back” narrative. This kind of thinking produces insecurity and fear of inadequacy.
Your body changed to grow a human inside of you, it is no surprise that your post-birth body is different. BUT different doesn’t equal bad. When you look in the mirror, you might see stretch marks, a C-section scar, a loosened tummy, a widened ribcage, etc. Some of these might be permanent, others may not. But know this, those new marks, scars, or physical shifts don’t make you less sexy. On the contrary, these changes showcase the strength, endurance, and quite frankly, the bad-ass woman you are. Your body did a magnificent thing! You should celebrate that.
“Your body changed to grow a human inside of you, it is no surprise that your post-birth body is different. BUT different doesn’t equal bad.”
When you look in the mirror, thank your body for what it did and continues to do. As Women’s Health specialist Erin Lamb, PT, MSPT in Michigan says, “Embrace your postpartum body. Understand that you are changing every day and realize what your body just accomplished. If you continue to struggle, don't be ashamed to ask for help.” Talking with a therapist can go a long way in helping you silence the inner critic and show yourself love.
It’s important to look forward and not backward. Instead of crying over those size-six skinny jeans, buy a new pair that show off your assets and make you feel good. New York psychiatrist, Alexandra Sacks, MD said, “Wanting to look like your prior self may be as much about reconnecting with your pre-baby identity as your pre-baby body. Switching on circuits in your pleasure system from your old life may help you feel more like your old self without your body having to do all the work.” One of these circuits can be sex. Reconnecting sexually with your partner can remind you of your sexiness, produce feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, release stress, and bond you to the person who loves you right now, in the body you have.
“Wanting to look like your prior self may be as much about reconnecting with your pre-baby identity as your pre-baby body. Switching on circuits in your pleasure system from your old life may help you feel more like your old self without your body having to do all the work.” ~ Alexandra Sacks, MD (New York)
With a new baby, there are many distractions that derail partners from connecting. That is why resuming intimacy is important. Sex helps us connect physically, emotionally, and mentally. "If there's no physical intimacy, or if it's really limited, couples start to feel like roommates, which is rarely a good thing. Feeling disconnected can lead to resentment," says Amy Levine, a New York City sex coach and mom. "Start with kissing or touching each other in a loving way, and work your way up to post-delivery sex when you're ready. Sex can be the thing to remind you that you're on the same team—and still more than just Mom and Dad.”
When you’re ready to resume, here are some tips you should keep in mind–
Comfort and control are two words that will determine the success of your initial sex experiences. We have 4 positions that will be more comfortable if you’ve had a C-section, episiotomy, or are simply scared of pain and will give you control over the depth of penetration.
Try out these positions in the beginning and as you get braver, you can add in more flair.
“Sex is important, and you deserve to enjoy it. Before baby, after baby, and everywhere in between. Sex is a connection. Not only does sex represent a part of your connection with your partner, but also with yourself. Committing to increasing satisfaction is a form of self-care and relationship care.” It’s okay to start small, but make sure you start.
Discover 10 essential facts about clitoral erections, including their role in sexual pleasure, how they work, and what makes them a natural part of female arousal.
Does Ozempic impact sexual desire? Discover the possible effects Ozempic may have on your libido and what steps you can take to restore your sex life.
Explore nipple orgasms: what they are, how to achieve them, and the science behind nipple stimulation. Learn techniques to enhance pleasure.