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Owning Your Sexual Confidence: How Women Can Take Control

29 March, 2022

Sex is not a taboo word that we need to whisper or look down at our toes the moment it arises in conversation. Sadly, we’ve heard women label intimacy with their partners as “the sex.”

This kind of language shows the detached nature women have accepted as commonplace in their sexual lives. But guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way! The act of pleasure is not only healthy and lovely, but it also showcases the beautiful femininity of YOU.

In an interview with Huffington Post, HBO star and acclaimed writer, Issa Rae explained her mission to destigmatize sexuality for women. “I think there’s a constant stigma when women try to explore their sexual freedom in the way that men do,” she said, adding, “I definitely want to depict [sexuality] in a raw and authentic way and show us being uninhibited and unafraid of judgment.” This kind of public embrace of female sexuality is what we need more of.

“The act of pleasure is not only healthy and lovely, but it also showcases the beautiful femininity of YOU.”

“I definitely want to depict [sexuality] in a raw and authentic way and show us being uninhibited and unafraid of judgment.” ~Issa Rae

However, this can be easier said than done. Bad experiences can influence our view on sex and positive body image. Nationally-known sexologist, Michelle Hope said, “When we think about individuals and their ability to have confidence in the bedroom, we must seek a deeper understanding of trauma. Oftentimes, trauma can be experienced in ways that are not necessarily physical but rather mental or emotional due to shame from family members, friends, the media, religious beliefs, or even cultural identities.” Trauma is a big factor in diminishing sex-confidence. But you can “unlearn those negative thought patterns to build up your confidence and rewrite your sexual narrative” (Michelle Hope).

Trauma is a big factor in diminishing sex-confidence. But you can “unlearn those negative thought patterns to build up your confidence and rewrite your sexual narrative.” ~Sexologist, Michelle Hope

You can and should enjoy sex. You don’t be have to be lumped with the third of Americans who are not satisfied with their sex life. It’s time to expect better. Just ask Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. In their song, WAP, they explained in detail how they want men to please them. While some of our chaste mothers would gasp at the explicit lyrics, “make it cream, make me scream, out in public, make a scene,” the song proved a valid point as it soared for weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100. Yes! Women do deserve to feel good in sex. Yes, we do deserve to tell a man what we want. Yes, we should take ownership of our sexuality.

If you’re lacking in sex-confidence, chances are that you need to start by boosting your body-confidence. Outside factors can make this hard. Everywhere we go, advertisements chide us to fix our hair, hide our fat, or brighten our skin. All of which lead to one resounding conclusion–we’re not acceptable the way we are. We are here to tell you, dear women, this is a lie. You are beautiful. Your body is beautiful. Since the 1960’s, organizations have risen up to fight for this truth to be heard. Today, there are multiple companies promoting positive body image through their size inclusive brands and functional products.

If you’re lacking in sex-confidence, chances are that you need to start by boosting your body-confidence.

The Girlfriend Collective is a body positive company that is making a difference with fashion. Their brand collectively supports all bodies including BIPOC, LGBTQ+, disabled, and chronically ill. “They feature inclusive models that break the boundaries of what we consider acceptable beauty, including women with body hair.” Good fashion is a definite confidence booster.

But no fashion can compare to the beauty of your natural skin in its stripped-down glory. Do you look at yourself naked in the mirror? When you do, does your mind say negative, judgmental, or critical words? Those kinds of words only reinforce body shaming and rob you of your sexual confidence. Instead, stand in front of the mirror and affirm your body with words like I love my body, my body is beautiful, I have lovely curves, I am perfectly me, I am remarkable. According to psychotherapist and leading mindfulness pioneer, Ronald Alexander, you should “speak the affirmation out loud for about five minutes three times a day. Another option that helps to reinforce the new belief is to write out the affirmation several times in a notebook.” Your words matter, even if they’re happening in your mind. Talk nice to yourself. Compliment yourself.

When you have boss confidence outside of the bedroom, it will spill into your sex life. After posting a nearly all-nude picture on instagram, Brittany Spears captioned it with “Free woman energy has never felt better.” This sex-positive attitude is what Vella BioScience is all about. Creating sexual openness and embracing it as a normal, healthy, and needed practice is paramount to a woman’s sexual confidence. Take it a step further–not only is sex important (think serontonin, oxytocin, dopamine, & prolactin), but more so, YOU DESERVE IT. Whether it’s solo or with a partner, you deserve to feel amazing. Go on, add that to your morning affirmations.

We’re living in 2022. It’s time to take ownership of our bodies, our pleasure, and our sexual confidence.

“Stand in front of the mirror and affirm your body with words like I love my body, my body is beautiful, I have lovely curves, I am perfectly me, I am remarkable.

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