The booty has been a hot commodity since 24,000 BC where statues depicted voluptuous female buttocks as the symbol of fertility and beauty. Since then, society has echoed this theory on TV shows, movies, books, and music with popular lyrics like, “Baby, got back.”
While it has been common, even standard, practice to regard the rear with phrases like grabbing it, rubbing it, or even biting it, crossing the bridge to “banging it” hasn’t been so smooth. New York-based marriage and sex therapist, Jane Greer, Ph.D., says that “the biggest misconception about anal sex is that it's disgusting, dirty, messy, or that it hurts. But everyone should know anal sex can be an extremely erotic, exciting activity. If you're willing to try it, you might find it an unexpectedly fun addition to your sexual repertoire."
“The biggest misconception about anal sex is that it's disgusting, dirty, messy, or that it hurts. But everyone should know anal sex can be an extremely erotic, exciting activity.” ~ Jane Greer, Ph.D.
Having options is a plus for wardrobe, footwear, and culinary cuisine, but it’s also a major pro in the bedroom. Anal sex is growing in popularity as the stigma surrounding it fades. Whether you’ve tried it or have stuck curiously on the sidelines, today is your day. Vella is here to answer your questions about anal sex.
“The biggest misconception about anal sex is that it's disgusting, dirty, messy, or that it hurts. But everyone should know anal sex can be an extremely erotic, exciting activity.” ~ Jane Greer, Ph.D.
Preparing for Anal Sex
To quote William Shakespeare, “All things are ready, if our mind be so.” Meaning, if your head is in the game, you’re ready to go. In order to enjoy a sexual experience, you need to be ready mentally. It’s important to talk to your partner about what you’d like to try, as with any sexual act. If they are comfortable adding it to the bedroom playlist, then you can move onto step two–feeling physically prepared.
Many people like to shower or enema before having backdoor action because they worry about the ‘poop’ factor. Oddly enough, that doesn’t have to be much of a concern. “A healthy body doesn't really store feces in the rectum, the place where the action happens,” says Dr. Laura Deitsch, licensed clinical counselor and resident sexologist. “Feces moves through the rectum while we are actively voiding and before then, it's up higher so it shouldn't be an issue. A gentle enema can be used ahead of time if folks like, but a lot of people simply pay attention to their latest bowel movements and have a decent sense of when they are more or less 'full.'" By eating the right fibrous foods, we can create healthy bowel movements, which will alleviate the concern of being backed up.
It’s pivotal to be aware of your own body. If you have STIs, anal fissures, and/or hemorrhoids, certain precautions need to be taken (like condoms, lubrications, etc). Always consult your healthcare provider about known medical conditions that could be affected by anal penetration. Lastly, since anal tissue is thin and can tear easily, you need to be mindful of what your body is saying during penetration.
Tips For Having Anal Sex
1. Start Slow
Before jumping into full penetration, it’s important to do a meet and greet. Practice with fingering or rimming (mouth on anus). The anus is full of nerve endings, so this area is highly sensitive, which means it can feel so good. Anal foreplay allows you and your body to get accustomed with this form of pressure/ touch. When your partner goes for insertion, it’s essential to move slowly. Just “shoving it in” is not only a bad idea, it can be dangerous to the anal tissues. Since the rectum muscles are meant for pushing, they can tighten up when receiving. However, when we’re fully aroused, our bodies release endorphins and oxytocin which have a relaxing effect on our muscles. This is a good time to ease in. According to Dr. Deitsch, “Anal shouldn't hurt if it's done with plenty of lube, relaxation, pushing out while insertion is slowly happening, and a respectful partner. Remember, do what feels good. Only you can decide what that is!"
“Anal shouldn't hurt if it's done with plenty of lube, relaxation, pushing out while insertion is slowly happening, and a respectful partner. Remember, do what feels good. Only you can decide what that is!" ~Dr. Laura Deitsch
2. Use Lots of Lube
Lube is a MUST. You want to be able to slide and glide. When picking a lube, it’s important to find one that remains slippery. Those that dry out or get sticky right away, just won’t work. Vella has created the perfect lube that lasts. It’s called Super Slip & Slide. It’s a silicone-based lubricant, formulated for all bodies and all kinds of play because pleasure is pleasure is pleasure. It will provide long lasting comfort and a texture as luxurious as your holy grail beauty products.
3. Use Condoms
In order to avoid STI’s or bacterial infections, the easiest safeguard is a condom. If you’re concerned about the potential of feces, this is a great solution for keeping things clean. Also, be sure to change your condom if you're going from anal to vaginal to avoid passing bacteria.
4. Best Positions
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Doggy Style– This is a great place to start. Being on all fours, allows you to move and shift as needed, but allows unhindered access to your backside.
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Lap Dance– The partner who will be penetrating sits on a chair. The other partner will stand over them as though they are giving a lap dance. This allows for frontal play and the standing partner has full control of depth.
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Missionary– One partner will lay down on their back. They will be penetrating the other partner as they sit on their lap. The partner on top can sit with their body facing or away from their partner. Again, this position allows the person on top to control the depth and speed of insertion.
5. Anal Toys
Though it should go without saying, only use toys that are marketed specifically for sexy times. Do not reach for a household item because it seems interesting. When buying your toys, make sure they are body safe, meaning they do not contain any chemicals or materials that are unsafe to use inside your body.
Two toys to begin with are butt plugs and beads. “Butt plugs are a great start to anal play!" says Dr. Deitsch. "They come in a variety of sizes and materials and offer a lot of control for beginners. Also, they can be left in place while vaginal penetration happens. Butt plugs are usually tapered and shaped for optimal insertion. They come with a nifty handle for manipulation.” Anal beads can come in a graduated or uniform set of round beads separated by space that are all attached to one long wand. The beads can be inserted one at a time, up to the receiver’s comfort level. They can be left in while vaginal stimulation occurs or simply removed rhythmically for foreplay.
6. Cleaning
First things first, when engaging in anal sex, there is always a chance there’ll be some mess. If you don’t want to wash your sheets afterward, make sure you lay down a towel or two over the sheets.
Second, if you choose to engage in rimming, be sure that each partner’s anus is washed externally and internally beforehand. It is advised to clean your mouths after sex as well.
Lastly, if any toys were used, clean them according to their instruction labels to avoid bacterial growth
Anal Sex Aftercare
Before clothes are put back on and the session of pleasure fades out of view, take time to care for your partner and yourself. Having an emotional connection is essential in any relationship. The intimacy shouldn’t stop the moment your orgasm ends.
After sex, take time to talk. Talk through the feelings of euphoria or how to make it better next time. Affirm your partner. Take a shower together and kiss. Take time to cuddle. Aftercare builds up you and your partner. It increases that feeling of closeness.
In this space of aftercare, check in your body and your mind. What went well in that sexual encounter? What didn’t go well? Not every experience has to be explosive, but in every sexual act, you should feel empowered.
Embracing your body means you are allowed to try new things. Whether you’re ready to try anal sex or not, is totally up to you.
