Holiday Sex Tips: How to Keep the Magic (and the Mood) Alive This Season

The holiday season is supposed to be magical. A swirl of festive lights, laughter, and hot cocoa by the fire. But in reality, it’s also a logistical marathon. Between juggling work deadlines, planning family gatherings, buying gifts, and somehow keeping your sanity while your in-laws occupy the guest room, “festive” can quickly turn into “frazzled.”

It’s no wonder that your sex life takes a back seat this time of year. Stress, fatigue, and financial strain can dampen sexual desire, and when your brain is focused on keeping the turkey from burning or wrapping presents “from Santa”, sex can feel like the furthest thing from your to-do list (pun intended).

The holidays can be an opportunity to reconnect with your partner, your body, and your sense of pleasure — if you want them to. Sexual desire is complex and influenced by psychological, relational, and contextual factors like stress, mood, fatigue, and relationship quality. The holiday season can either strain those factors or, with a little intention, enhance them.

12 holiday sex tips for the festive season

So, whether you’re looking to reignite the spark, shake off the extra stress, or make the most of your time off work, here are some practical and downright sexy tips for redefining what “holiday spirit” means.

Give yourself a break

First things first: release the pressure to have a “perfect” holiday (or perfect sex, for that matter). Research shows that chronic stress can elevate cortisol levels, which in turn suppresses sexual desire and arousal. When your brain is in survival mode, pleasure takes a backseat.

Give yourself permission to skip the second cookie exchange or delegate the gift wrapping. The less pressure you feel to meet unrealistic expectations, the more energy you’ll have to be present (and maybe even a little playful) with your partner.

Schedule sex

We tend to think of sex as something spontaneous and passionate, but when life gets busy, scheduling intimacy can actually increase excitement. Planning for sex creates anticipation, which activates dopamine pathways associated with reward and desire.

Try picking one or two nights a week (or whatever works for you) during the holidays to block off for “us time.” That could mean a full-on date night, or just half an hour minutes after the kids are asleep to cuddle, talk, and reconnect. Knowing that you have time carved out for intimacy keeps it from getting lost in the holiday shuffle. An added bonus is that when you start prioritizing pleasure, spontaneity often sneaks back in all on its own.

Make foreplay an all-day affair

The holidays are full of sensual cues you can use to your advantage. Think twinkling lights, soft textures, and cozy scents. Flirt throughout the day, send a flirty text, brush your partner’s arm while you’re hanging ornaments, and actually kiss under the mistletoe. When you build a sense of erotic connection outside the bedroom, it primes your brain for desire later.

Sexual arousal doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and especially for women, arousal is context-dependent. That means emotional closeness, feeling relaxed, and even simple gestures of affection can be powerful aphrodisiacs.

So turn the “hustle and bustle” into a slow simmer. Whisper a naughty secret while baking cookies. Make your daily interactions just a little more charged.

Get playful with holiday-themed fantasies

If you’re looking for an easy way to spice up holiday sex, let your imagination play. There’s something inherently fun (and freeing) about letting fantasy lead. Maybe you try on that red satin lingerie, or your partner “unwraps” you like a present. They may be clichés, but if you can’t be a little bit corny over the holidays, what’s the point? 

You don’t have to go full role-play unless that’s your thing, and sometimes it’s enough to let the season inspire a sense of novelty and play. Novelty is a key ingredient in long-term sexual satisfaction because it lights up the same reward centers as new love.

Bring the science of arousal into the bedroom

Arousal is both psychological and physiological. When stress or fatigue dulls your libido, products that enhance blood flow and sensitivity — like arousal gels — can make a big difference.

Take Vella’s Pleasure Serum, for instance. It’s scientifically formulated to enhance female arousal by increasing blood flow and sensitivity to the clitoris, labia, and other erogenous zones. Think of it as a way to help your body catch up with your mind, especially when stress or hormones get in the way. And, it makes a great addition to any Christmas stocking. 

Foster intimacy outside of sex

Intimacy is a spectrum. Physical affection, shared laughter, and deep conversation are all part of a healthy sexual ecosystem.

If your schedule or stress levels make sex feel like too much, focus on other forms of intimacy. A 20-second hug can lower cortisol and increase oxytocin, the bonding hormone that boosts feelings of trust and connection.

Try cuddling by the fire, taking a walk together to see the lights, or sharing a warm bath. These simple acts build emotional closeness, which in turn lays the groundwork for desire.

Embrace vacation vibes

Ever wonder why sex feels so amazing on vacation? Science has a few answers. Being away from daily responsibilities lowers stress hormones, increases novelty, and allows more opportunities for rest, all of which enhance arousal and satisfaction.

You can recreate that feeling at home by setting intentional “mini-vacations,” without having to leave your house. Turn off notifications, light a candle, pour a glass of wine, and pretend your bedroom is a boutique hotel. Or, send the kids to a friend’s house and spend a weekend morning in bed without alarms or obligations.

The key is to shift out of your routine so your brain can register the time as special, and therefore more sensual.

Practice gratitude 

Gratitude isn’t just good for your mood; it’s good for your sex life. Studies show that expressing appreciation in relationships correlates with higher sexual satisfaction. When you feel emotionally connected, desire follows naturally.

Take a moment to tell your partner what you love about them. Try not to focus only on just how they look or what they do for you, but on how they make you feel. And extend that gratitude inward, too. Thank your body for everything it’s doing to get you through the season. When you shift from self-criticism to appreciation, it’s easier to feel sexy, confident, and open to pleasure. Who knew Thanksgiving could be such a turn-on? 

Keep it lighthearted

The holidays are full of opportunities for things to go hilariously wrong — the burnt cookies, the tangled lights, the awkward family Zoom call. If something goes sideways in the bedroom, laugh about it. A good sense of humor lowers tension, fosters connection, and helps keep intimacy playful. Sex (and the holidays) is supposed to be fun. You don’t need a perfect setting or cinematic chemistry; just two humans choosing to connect amid the chaos. 

Rest and recharge

Fatigue is one of the biggest libido killers, and the holidays are basically an endurance sport. Sleep deprivation reduces testosterone, dampens mood, and makes arousal harder to access.

So, prioritize rest. Nap when you can. RSVP no to that extra event. Let yourself slow down. Your body is the vehicle for pleasure, and it deserves maintenance. If you want to sustain your sexual energy through the season, think of rest as foreplay for your whole system.

Communicate your needs

The holidays can magnify small relationship stressors. Misunderstandings about expectations around family, gifts, or intimacy can create distance. Clear communication is the antidote.

Talk about what you both need to feel connected and relaxed. Maybe one of you wants more physical affection, while the other needs help around the house to get in the mood.

When you approach intimacy as a team, you reduce resentment and create space for genuine desire to flourish. FYI, this advice is applicable all year round. 

Remember that pleasure is personal

Everyone experiences arousal differently, and the holidays can highlight that contrast. One partner might feel more frisky after a glass of champagne, while the other needs a few days of decompression. 

The key is curiosity, not comparison. Explore what feels good for you right now, even if it’s different from years past. Bodies change, stress fluctuates, and seasons shift. Your sex life is allowed to evolve with you.

FAQ

How can I keep intimacy exciting during the holidays?

Keeping intimacy exciting during the holidays starts with one word: intentionality. With schedules packed and energy low, passion can easily get buried under wrapping paper and to-do lists. Try weaving connection into the small moments: flirt while you’re decorating, share a shower after shopping, or give each other “love coupons” redeemable for massages or lazy mornings in bed. Novelty keeps dopamine flowing, so shake up your routine with new locations, positions, or even simple sensory changes like scented candles or silk sheets. Most importantly, make space to talk about what you want and need. 

What are some safe ways to spice up holiday sex?

“Spicing things up” doesn’t have to mean anything extreme. Rather, it’s about creating a playful sense of discovery while staying grounded in comfort and consent. Try themed role-play, holiday lingerie, or experimenting with toys and arousal products designed for sensitivity and safety (like Vella’s Intimate Elixir). Setting the mood with music, lighting, or temperature can also enhance arousal by engaging your senses. Check in with your partner about boundaries and curiosity before trying anything new. When you both feel safe and respected, experimentation becomes exciting rather than intimidating.

Why is sex so good on vacation?

Vacation sex feels incredible largely because stress levels drop and novelty rises, a combination that primes your body and brain for pleasure. Away from daily routines, your cortisol levels decrease while dopamine and oxytocin increase, creating a relaxed, connected state that enhances desire and arousal. You’re also more likely to get quality sleep and physical touch, which can boost libido. Plus, new environments stimulate your senses, reigniting that “new relationship energy” even in long-term couples.