A Guide to Mindfulness Sex Tools

Mindfulness isn’t just for yoga classes or when you’re trying not to scream at your inbox. It can also turn up the heat in your sex life. Being in the moment isn’t just good for your stress levels; it’s also the secret sauce to better orgasms, deeper connection, and less of that awkward “Am I doing this right?” inner monologue.

By staying present, tuning into sensations, and ditching distractions, you’ll feel more connected, aroused, and satisfied. So take a deep breath, and keep reading to learn more about how to have more mindful sex.

The connection between mindfulness and sexual pleasure

Mindfulness — the practice of being in the present moment rather than mentally running through your to-do list — can do wonders for your sex life. Studies have shown that practicing mindfulness can increase sexual pleasure and desire because when you’re fully tuned into your body and sensations, sex gets a whole lot better.

Science backs this up. Research by Dr. Lori Brotto (a renowned psychologist in the field of female sexual wellness) found that mindfulness-based therapy significantly improved sexual desire, arousal, lubrication, satisfaction, and overall sexual functioning in women struggling with low libido. In her study, 58% of participants reported these improvements.

Similarly, a study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people who are naturally more mindful tend to have better sex, thanks to improved emotional regulation and fewer anxious distractions (like the aforementioned to-do list).

Mindfulness has also been shown to enhance arousal and reduce sexual distress by keeping you locked in the moment instead of spiraling into self-criticism. Mindfulness is basically the off button for that nagging inner voice. Other research by Brotto also found that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is particularly beneficial for women with sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSIAD) — formerly known as female sexual arousal disorder — a type of sexual dysfunction characterized by a lack of or significantly reduced sexual interest and/or arousal. 

The bottom line? Getting out of your head and into your body is a total game-changer for your sex life. When you stop worrying about whether your stomach looks flat in this position and start focusing on how good your partner’s touch feels, magic happens.

How to have mindful sex: 4 techniques to try

Whether you find your mind drifting during sex or find it hard to “get in the mood”, incorporating some simple mindfulness techniques can increase pleasure, and deepen intimacy with your partner (or yourself). It’s not as hard as it sounds, either. To turn your next bedroom session into an experience that leaves you fully satisfied, give these techniques a try. 

Sensate focus

Sensate focus is a sex therapy technique developed by Masters and Johnson, a pioneering American research team renowned for their groundbreaking studies on human sexuality. 

The idea of sensate focus therapy is to enhance intimacy, reduce anxiety, and improve sexual pleasure by shifting the focus away from performance and toward pure sensation. Think of this as mindful touching without the pressure to “perform.” This method encourages partners to explore each other’s bodies through touch — without the expectation of intercourse or orgasm. 

Instead of rushing to the finish line, take turns exploring each other’s bodies with no agenda other than feeling and enjoying. It’s all about sharing what you enjoy without the pressure of needing to reciprocate right away or achieve a specific outcome. The main goal is to soak in every sensation — notice how warmth, pressure, and movement feel — without stressing about what comes next. 

• Begin with gentle, non-sexual touches like softly stroking an arm, or even lightly tracing your fingers over the skin. 

• As you both get more comfortable, you can start to explore more sensual touches together, focusing on erogenous zones while really paying attention to how everything feels. Why not throw Vella’s Pleasure Serum into the mix?

Focused breathing

If you’re holding your breath during sex, you’re doing it wrong. Breathwork can be a game-changer for sexual pleasure and desire in a few key ways. First, mindful breathing (where you focus on slow, intentional breaths) has been linked to increased arousal. 

Research suggests that women who are more in tune with their breath tend to experience heightened sexual arousal, possibly due to shifts in oxytocin levels (aka the “love hormone”). In other words, paying attention to your breath can help your body naturally respond to pleasure more easily.

Then there’s the effect of deep, rapid breathing (like the kind that happens when things really heat up). This type of hyperventilation can actually alter brain activity, making sensations feel more intense and pleasure more immersive.

On the flip side, slow and controlled breathing helps calm the nervous system, reducing stress and anxiety. Since relaxation is key to desire and arousal, this type of breathwork can create the perfect mental and physical state for more enjoyable, connected sex.

• Before having sex, take a few deep breaths together to ground yourselves in the moment.

• While you’re having sex, focus on exhaling slowly as you experience pleasure to enhance relaxation.

• Try syncing your breath with your partner to create a deeper sense of connection.

Body scan meditation

Body scan meditation is a mindfulness practice that involves focusing on different parts of your body and noticing how they feel without any judgment to promote relaxation and present-moment awareness. 

In the context of sex and intimacy, body scan meditation encourages you to pay attention to your sensations and emotions from head to toe. By doing this, you can build a deeper connection with yourself and your partner, making your experience even more enjoyable and intimate.

If you’re clenching your jaw or tensing your shoulders, odds are you’re not fully relaxed (and neither is your pelvic floor). 

• Close your eyes and take a deep breath, slowly scanning your body from head to toe.

• Focus on areas that feel tense and consciously relax them, especially your jaw, shoulders, and hips.

• Repeat this practice before sex to ensure your body is open to pleasure.

Visualization and sensory awareness

Before getting busy, take a few moments to recall a sexy memory or visualize a fantasy that excites you. It helps set the stage for anticipation and arousal. 

• Close your eyes and recall an experience that turned you on, focusing on how it made you feel.

• Use all five senses — what did you hear, see, taste, touch, and smell in that moment?

• Share a fantasy with your partner to build excitement and deepen connection.

• If your imagination is failing you (or you find the exercise a bit awkward), try using an audio erotica app like Dipsea or Quinn. 

FAQs

What is the sexual mindfulness measure?

The Sexual Mindfulness Measure is a fancy way of saying “How good are you at staying in the moment during sex?” It’s a research tool used to assess how present and aware someone is in their sexual experiences. Higher scores tend to correlate with better sex, fewer distractions, and a whole lot more satisfaction.

What is sexual mindfulness?

Sexual mindfulness is basically the art of not letting your brain ruin your orgasms. It’s about being fully present during sex, noticing every sensation, and ditching distractions like “Did I send that email?” or “Are my thighs jiggling too much?” Practicing sexual mindfulness leads to better, more connected, and way more satisfying sex.

Can sexual mindfulness help with sexual anxiety?

Absolutely. If you’ve ever been stuck in your head worrying about performance, appearance, or whether your partner is enjoying themselves, mindfulness can help you break free from that cycle. Techniques like deep breathing, body scanning, and mindful touch bring you back to the moment, helping you feel more confident and relaxed — and trust us, confidence is sexy.