Our Secret On How To Keep the Spark Alive

31 August, 2022

There’s the honeymoon phase. It occurs at the beginning of a relationship or marriage. It’s that period of time when you’re sublimely happy and living in your personal rom-com movie. Now, that phase might last weeks, months, or years. Everyone is different. But as time stretches on in a long-distance romance or marriage, that initial spark can fade.

When schedules contradict, kids enter the picture, quality time isn’t prioritized, or you take each other for granted, the relationship can become strained, leaving you both feeling unfulfilled and unappreciated. This is the place you don’t want to be. Which is why today we’re clueing you in on how to bring more passion into your relationship.


1. Find Out How They Receive Love Best

Love translates differently to each of us. In order to love your partner well, you need to learn what connects with their heart the best. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages, all people receive love in one or more of five ways—words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, and/or acts of service. (P.S. They offer a quiz on the website to find out your love language.) As Dr. Chapman says, “Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”


“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

2. Acts of Generosity

Your partner wants to know they are important to you. Likewise, you want to know you’re important to them. By doing generous acts of kindness, you show them without even saying a word. This is a powerful form of love. Some examples can be making lunch for them, cleaning their car, hiding a love note in their wallet, planning a getaway, or giving them a neck massage.

3. Put Your Phones Down

In our digital age, everyone is always busy, busy, busy scrolling, texting, emailing or watching Tik Tok shorts. Oftentimes, even when couples are watching TV together, they find themselves on their phones, not connecting to the show or each other. According to Psychology Today, when a conversation, meal, or romantic moment is disrupted because of a phone notification, it sends the message, “What I’m doing on my phone is more important than you right now.” Put the phones down and BE TOGETHER. When you put the phone away, you are showing the other person that they matter more.

4. Flirt With Each Other

We should never stop flirting with our partner. Flirting says that we see them as desirable and attractive. It shows we’re interested. This kind of connection ignites sexual desire and intimacy. Dr. John Gottman, world-renowned mental health researcher and relationship therapist, says that “everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.” Oh yes, flirting is foreplay.

“Everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.” – Dr. John Gottman.

5. Make a “Nice” List

Sometimes, we need to refocus. When arguments or disappointments occur, we can begin to zero in on our partner’s flaws. That is why it’s important to physically write a list, detailing as many things as possible that you appreciate and/or enjoy about your lover. It will remind you of the things that drew you to them initially and reignite your gratitude for them.

6. Kiss

Remember what it felt like to be a teenager and kiss away the hours? Those make-out sessions were pretty great. So, why is it that those fun kissing sprees have to stop the moment we get married or settled? We shouldn’t limit kisses to hello and goodbye. We should kiss deeply and passionately when there’s no expectation or reason at all. It’s that simple gesture that reminds them of your love. Kiss more!

7. Rekindle Sexual Intimacy

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut or routine, always doing the same sexual positions or making it “efficient.” Sex is a special bonding experience in your relationship, which is why it needs to stay fresh. Here are some ways to rekindle the spark in your sex life–change your pattern of intitiating sex, hold hands more, take your time during foreplay (share fantasies, change locations, and make sex more romantic), give affectionate touch like a back rub, practice emotional vulnerability (share innermost wishes and desires with your partner), mix up your sex positions, break up the routine by trying new kinds of sex (gentle, intimate, or highly erotic), and set the mood of intimacy (play music, enjoy a glass of wine, and use Vella Women’s Pleasure Serum.)

8. Try New Things Together

It's time to ditch the monotonous date night at your local restaurant and find new ways to connect. Make a bucket list of new places and activities to try together. They should stretch you and make you feel excited. By getting out of your comfort zones, you can learn new things about each other and have fun!


9. Have Real Conversations

How often does our conversations involve to-do lists, work days, or children? To develop emotional connections, we need to have real, valuable conversations that branch beyond those topics. We should share our thoughts for the future, understand their fears, discover their dreams, and learn what they need from us. Ask questions like: “What’s something that you’re too scared to try but want to?” or “What’s your favorite thing about our relationship?” By talking about these kinds of things, you will dig deeper, and find more enjoyment and closeness in your relationship. Why? Because you both feel truly heard.

10. Laugh Together

The University of North Carolina conducted a study on laughter and relationships and found that laughter acted like a social glue among participants. “For people who are laughing together, shared laughter signals that they see the world in the same way, and it momentarily boosts their sense of connection,” says social psychologist Sara Algoe, co-author of the study. “We take that as a sign that shared laughter is really important. It may have a lot of potential for helping people grease the wheels of their relationships in everyday life.” Ways you can get laughing together include watching movies or shows that make you both laugh, building up inside jokes, bringing up funny memories, and sending your partner funny memes.

Incorporating these 10 strategies will help spark new life into your love and rekindle the romance.

It's time to ditch the monotonous date night at your local restaurant and find new ways to connect. Make a bucket list of new places and activities to try together.”

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