Unlocking Your Dominant Side
As a way of expressing your thanks, it’s time to think outside of the box, push the boundaries (respectfully and consensually), and lean into your dominant side.
“I’m thankful for…” That is a statement that will be uttered under more than one roof this Thanksgiving season. While it’s a lovely sentiment to verbalize our thanks, there's another way you can SHOW your gratitude to your special someone.
Give back with a “woman on top” experience that will float them through the holidays and carry them into the New Year. Women are oftentimes seen as the ones doing the receiving in bed, but there is another side to sex where women can be givers. As a way of expressing your thanks, it’s time to think outside of the box, push the boundaries (respectfully and consensually), and lean into your dominant side.
“Give back with a ‘woman on top’ experience that will float them through the holidays and carry them into the New Year.”
How To Be More Dominant In Bed As A Woman
If you’ve never delved into being the dominant force in bed (sometimes called a “domme”), it’s wise to start slow. Drastic changes in your personality and actions could shock your partner (not in a sexy way).
This is why you should begin your female dominance in a less intense manner. You don’t have to be extreme to make him/her excited. They’ll be giddy over your demonstration of power, no matter what degree you decide to take it. Also, by starting small, you’re less likely to have an accident, such as tripping over your six-inch stilettos. Remember, if something does go wrong, it’s your responsibility to handle it as the woman in charge.
A common misconception about being dominant in bed is that you have to be kinky, cruel, or cause pain. That’s not true. You can be a loving domme that takes control of the room and leaves her partner breathless.
Here are some ways to become more sexually dominant:
“If you’ve never delved into being the dominant force in bed (sometimes called a “domme”), it’s wise to start slow.”
1. Grant Yourself Permission
Perhaps you’re shy or laid-back and the mention of the word “dominating” makes you shake your head no. It’s important to note that female dominance isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about connecting with your confident and powerful female nature. We have all taken a leadership role at one time or another. It could be planning a birthday party, being a mother, or giving instructions to a fellow employee. Assuming a dominant role in the bedroom is simply saying, “Today, I’m going to take the lead.” You can do that.
2. Initiate Sex
Touch your lover suggestively. Kiss them when they aren’t expecting it. Push them down on the bed.
3. Set The Scene
Like in a movie, you’re creating your own scene. The first part of setting the scene is preparing yourself. If you need help getting into an aroused headspace, you can apply Vella Women’s Pleasure Serum which will get your body craving pleasure. When you’re turned on and ready, the play becomes much more fun. For your scene, you can wear lingerie, a dominatrix costume, a sexy dress, etc. Some dommes enjoy using a nickname that their partner must call them like ‘Madame’ or ‘Mistress.’ Lastly, you will need to choose where to have your scene, if any tools are needed, and how you’re going to play this out.
4. Give The Rules
Create the mood by telling them what they’re going to do or not do. You can tell them to lie down, put on a blindfold, or even kneel. You can say things like, “You’re going to taste me (then physically push his head down so that he starts eating you out)” or “You’re not allowed to orgasm until I say so.”
When you take the lead, you make all the decisions, and you are the one on top. As Reba Thomas, a sex educator and CEO of Sexpert Consultants says, “A woman-on-top sex position can help you reach orgasm more easily. Being on top feels great for people with clitorises because over 70 percent of people with vulvas require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm," she says. "When you're on top and you lean forward, the friction helps awaken the clitoral cluster. And when you're more aroused, the pleasure is better for everyone."
With that in mind, it’s time to pick your position…
Sex Positions Where Women Are In Control
1. Seated Wheelbarrow
Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or chair. Then, sit on their lap and plant your hands on the floor. Stretch your legs behind their waist. While you’re looking down at the ground, they’ll have a lovely view of your backside. “You can move forward and back, side-to-side, giving you a different range of sensations,” says Shawntres A. Parks, Ph.D., from Women’s Health magazine. “You get to control the tempo and depth of penetration.” As a bonus, this position can be intensified with the use of toys, such as a vibrator. When using any toy, it’s important to lube it up with a toy-friendly and body-friendly lubricant. We recommend using Intimate Elixir. (Bonus: this lube is super hydrating and perfect for women dealing with vaginal dryness.)
2. Submissive Man
This position gives you great control. Have your partner sit on the bed with their back supported against the headrest or pillows and their legs outstretched. Next, you will straddle their waist while standing. Bend your knees to lower yourself onto them, using one hand to direct the penis or strap-on in. You can lower yourself up and down in a squatted position or drop your knees into a kneel.
3. Cowgirl
Here’s a tried and true classic. If you want to level up the action, try tying them up or making them wear a blindfold. As you kneel on top, push off your partner's chest and slide up and down their thighs. You could also sit all the way down and rock your hips from front to back. (It’s like riding a rocking horse). If you need more slide for your ride, you can use the Intimate Elixir we mentioned earlier. Another option is to reverse this position by facing the other direction.
4. Wall Slide
Push your lover up against the wall with their arms up over their head. Bend your knee, placing it next to their hip, while your other foot remains between their feet. Then, insert them into you. You can determine the speed and force of the thrust.
5. Downward Dog
This is a standing position with a twist. You will stand with your feet hip-width apart. Then as you bend over, your partner will penetrate you from behind. This is perfect for front or back action. If you’re going for the backdoor, you should use ample lubricant to allow for good glide and avoid friction that could be painful. We recommend Super Slip & Slide because it lasts for hours without reapplying and has a smooth natural texture. As you are in the downward dog position, push your hands on the ground and press up into your partner. A modified version (if touching your toes ain’t happening) is to grab his legs as you’re bent over and pull him to you.
6. Pretzel Dip
Get twisted up together in this pose. Have your partner lie on their right side; then kneel, straddling between their legs with your right knee bent and curl your left leg around their left side. This position allows your partner to get handsy.
7. Sideways Sit
Sit on your partner’s lap, sideways. Whisper dirty things into their ear as you dip your body up and down. They can assist the thrust from below, just tell them how you want it.
8. The Chairman
As your partner sits on a chair, you will sit on their lap, facing away from them. You can lean forward or rub against their lap in a circular motion. This position can be great for hitting the G-spot, depending on how you bend or angle your body. If you want to add another level of spice, try handcuffing or tying your partner’s wrists behind their back. With them rendered powerless, you can have your way until they beg to touch you.
Whether you’re a practiced domme, have given it a college try, or this is a brand new concept, it’s important to always play safe. Before you start, take the necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy, STI transmission, and injury. Also, as you progress toward new avenues such as BDSM, remember to account for safety for your partner and yourself by knowing your tools (like toys, ropes, or whips), setting up limits, and having a safe word when it’s time to stop and check in.
Taking charge as a woman allows your partner to enjoy a break from making the plans and moves. Instead, they get to enjoy the ride as you drive the scene. This shows them your appreciation versus simply saying thanks. And in the words of the old adage, “Show, don’t tell.”
