How To Spice up Your Marriage

When life settles into a predictable rhythm, the question of how to spice up your marriage often lingers in the back of your mind, unspoken but deeply felt. Intimacy and excitement can fade under the weight of daily routines, yet they remain the glue that holds a relationship together. 

Rekindling passion doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about weaving moments of connection into everyday life and trying new experiences to break the monotony. 

From stolen glances across a room to bold explorations of shared fantasies to exploring female arousal products, the path to reigniting desire and spicing up your marriage is as unique as your love story. Let this guide inspire new ways to deepen your relationship and rediscover the joy of being together.

1. Flirt More

Bring playfulness back into your relationship by teasing each other, using affectionate nicknames, leaving flirty notes, or sending sexy texts during the day. 

Compliment your spouse on how they look or smile knowingly across the room. Surprise them with a playful touch on the arm or an impromptu kiss, or be more adventurous with your flirting. 

Flirting doesn’t have to be elaborate—winking at them during dinner or whispering something sweet in their ear can remind them of the excitement from the early days of your relationship. Keep it light, fun, and spontaneous, and see where it leads.

2. Show Love in Small Ways

Simple, thoughtful actions can make a big difference. Surprise your spouse with their favorite coffee, fix something they’ve been wanting to repair, or warm up their car on a cold morning. 

Leave a sticky note with a sweet message where they’ll find it, like on the bathroom mirror. Offer a massage after a long day, or take over one of their chores without being asked. 

These small gestures, especially when done consistently, show your partner that you’re thinking of them and appreciate them. 

3. Spend More Quality Time Together

Set aside uninterrupted time to focus on each other. Plan weekly date nights, or take up new hobbies, such as cooking, gardening, or exercising. Turn off devices, and spend an evening talking or enjoying a favorite board game. 

For more bonding moments, take a leisurely walk together, cuddle on the couch with a good movie, or try something new, like a dance class or a weekend workshop. 

4. Create Romantic Moments

Transform everyday experiences into something memorable. Cook a special dinner together, complete with candlelight and soft music. Set up a surprise picnic with their favorite foods, or watch the sunset from a scenic spot. 

You could leave romantic notes around the house or draw a bubble bath with relaxing scents. For added sentimentality, recreate your first date or anniversary. For an intimate moment, give them a heartfelt letter or share what you admire most about them.

5. Increase Eye Contact

Eye contact is a simple yet powerful way to connect. When talking, make an effort to look at your partner directly rather than being distracted. Hold their gaze for a few seconds longer than usual during intimate moments to build closeness. 

For a deeper connection, try sitting face-to-face and gazing into each other’s eyes without talking for a minute or two, focusing on your feelings for one another. 

In everyday interactions, like saying goodbye or hello, pause to make eye contact, showing them they have your full attention and love.

6. Sexting

Sexting can build anticipation and be a huge turn-on. Start with playful, suggestive messages to gauge your partner’s comfort level. Share what you’re looking forward to when you’re together, or compliment them in a flirty, intimate way. 

To make it more exciting, try using emojis or hinting at a surprise for later. Be sure to respect each other’s boundaries and keep it lighthearted and fun. Remember that sexting is about making your partner feel desired, so keep your focus on what excites them.

7. Date Nights

Instead of drab, boring date nights, go beyond dinner and a movie by exploring activities you both love, such as visiting a local art exhibit, attending a concert, or trying a new restaurant. Take turns planning to keep things exciting and surprising. 

If you prefer staying in, turn your home into a romantic retreat by cooking together or enjoying a themed evening, like a wine tasting or game night. The key is to set aside time for just the two of you, free from distractions, so you can focus on creating new memories together.

8. Take a Romantic Trip

Escape for a weekend to a cozy cabin, beachside resort, or exciting city. Explore places with sentimental value, like where you honeymooned or first met. Even a day trip to a scenic spot or a charming nearby town can refresh your connection if time is tight. 

Pack a picnic, hold hands while sightseeing, and take photos to capture the moments. A romantic trip doesn’t have to be extravagant—what matters is stepping away from daily routines to focus solely on each other in a new setting.

9. Surprise Gifts

Give your spouse thoughtful surprises to show you’re thinking of them. These gifts could be something small, like their favorite snack, a book they’ve mentioned, or a bouquet of flowers. 

For a more personal touch, consider writing them a heartfelt note or creating a playlist of songs that remind you of your relationship. 

Surprise gifts don’t need to be expensive; their value lies in the thought behind them. For instance, a framed photo of a special memory or tickets to an event they’ve been looking forward to are simple ways to show you care. 

10. Bedroom Makeover

Refresh your bedroom to create a more inviting and romantic atmosphere. Add soft lighting with candles or string lights, invest in luxurious bedding, and declutter the space for a calm, intimate vibe. 

Consider adding elements such as plush pillows, scented candles, or relaxing music to set the mood. You could also paint the walls in warm tones or introduce fresh flowers for a touch of romance. 

Focus on making the room feel like a sanctuary for the two of you—an escape from the stress of daily life where you can reconnect emotionally and physically.

11. Reminisce Together

Taking a walk down memory lane is something couples should do often to help them remember the incredible life they’ve shared. Look through old photos, watch videos, or revisit places that are meaningful to your relationship. 

Share stories about the moments that made you fall in love, or laugh about funny experiences you’ve had together. This can remind you of how far you’ve come and the joy you’ve built over time. 

Consider creating a scrapbook filled with photos and mementos that will be treasured for generations.

12. Sexy Lingerie

Surprise your spouse by wearing something outside your usual comfort zone. Choose lingerie that makes you feel confident and attractive, whether it’s bold and playful or soft and romantic. 

You can turn it into a fun moment by incorporating it into a special evening or revealing it during an unexpected moment. If you’re unsure about your spouse’s reaction, talk about their preferences beforehand or shop together to make it a shared experience. 

Confidence is key, so pick something you feel good wearing, and let your sexiness and enthusiasm set the tone for the night.

13. Put Your Partner First

Show your husband or wife that they’re your priority by listening actively when they speak and being attuned to their needs. Make sacrifices for their comfort, such as choosing activities they love or adjusting plans to support their goals. 

Express your appreciation regularly so that thoughtfulness and being supportive become routine. For instance, if they’ve had a tough day, offer to take over tasks so they can relax or surprise them with something comforting, such as a glass of wine or their favorite dessert. 

14. Talk About Sex More

Talking about sex helps you understand each other’s deepest desires. Set aside time to discuss what you both enjoy, what you’d like to try, and how you can improve your intimate moments. 

Create a safe, judgment-free space where you can be honest about fantasies or concerns. Use playful questions or games to break the ice if the topic feels awkward. 

These conversations don’t always have to be serious—sometimes, lighthearted chats during quiet moments can be just as insightful and rewarding. 

15. Experiment With Personal Lubes

Personal lubricants can enhance intimacy and add variety to your experiences. Experiment with different types, such as warming, cooling, tingling, or flavored lubes, to find what you both enjoy. Make it part of your foreplay by applying it together. 

If you’re unsure where to start, visit a sex shop or shop online together to explore options from the privacy of your home. For safety reasons, only purchase from well-known, reputable brands, such as Vella.

Our personal lubes pamper and nourish delicate skin while providing much-needed lubrication.

• Our silicone-based lube, Super Slip & Slide, is packed with skincare ingredients, such as squalane, sea buckthorn oil, and vitamin E, for deep hydration and instant, long-lasting slickness.
• Our water-based lube, Women’s Intimate Elixir, is especially ideal for menopausal women. It provides a natural feeling slickness and contains hyaluronic acid, chasteberry extract, and aloe vera for deeply penetrating moisturization.

16. Initiate Sex More Often

Take the lead in initiating intimacy to show your partner how much you desire them. Surprise them with an unexpected kiss or a whispered suggestion. Light candles or play soft music to create a romantic ambiance. 

Physical touch, such as a hug that lingers or a gentle caress, can signal your intentions without words. Be direct, and express your desire openly. If initiating feels daunting, try starting with playful flirting or a sensual massage to set the tone. 

17. Try New Positions

Trying new sex positions can help you discover what feels best for both of you. Approach it as an experiment, focusing on the new sensations rather than achieving perfection.

Start by discussing ideas with your spouse and choosing something that excites you both. Be open to laughing if something doesn’t work out—keeping the experience lighthearted can make it even more enjoyable. 

18. Have Sex in Different Locations

Step outside your routine by exploring intimacy in new places. This could mean different rooms in your home or even outdoors if privacy allows. 

Traveling together also presents opportunities to be spontaneous, such as in a cozy cabin or a romantic hotel. Start small—consider having a romantic evening on the couch or using a new space like the shower. 

19. Keep the Lights On

Leave the lights on during sex to create a more visually engaging experience. Soft lighting, such as dim lamps or candles, can set a romantic mood while allowing you to appreciate each other’s expressions and movements. 

Embrace vulnerability by making eye contact or complimenting your partner’s body. If it initially feels intimidating, start with partial lighting to ease into the change. 

20. Share Fantasies

Talking about fantasies can bring a new level of openness and excitement to your relationship. No one knows you better than your marriage partner, so release all inhibitions and share your secret desires.

Start by sharing something small, like a romantic scenario you’ve imagined, and invite your spouse to do the same. Continue taking turns sharing secret fantasies, and keep the conversation judgment-free to encourage honesty. 

If you both feel comfortable, try acting out a shared fantasy together, focusing on mutual consent and enjoyment.

21. Communicate Your Needs and Desires

Clear communication is essential for a fulfilling relationship. Discuss your needs openly and honestly, whether they’re emotional, physical, or sexual. 

Use “I” statements, like “I’d love it if we spent more time cuddling” or “I need more foreplay,” to express your desires without placing blame. 

Once you’ve shared your desires, allow your spouse to do the same. Be patient and attentive during these conversations, showing that you value their feelings. Promise one another that you’ll strive to fulfill each other’s needs going forward.

22. Explore Erotic Together

Reading or watching erotica as a couple can spark new ideas and open the door to discussing desires. Choose materials that align with your comfort levels, such as steamy novels or films. 

Read aloud to each other or watch together, using it as a springboard for conversation about what you find exciting. Exploring erotica can also help you discover new scenarios to try as a couple. Approach it with curiosity and an open mind. 

23. Arousal Creams

Arousal creams can heighten sensation and encourage female orgasms. Choose a product that’s suited to your preferences, such as warming or cooling formulas. 

Shopping for these products together can add to the excitement and anticipation. Start with a small amount to see how it feels, and communicate about the sensations you both experience. 

We highly recommend Vella’s Women’s Pleasure Serum—an innovative arousal cream containing CBD that increases blood flow, promotes natural lubrication, heightens arousal, and encourages strong, satisfying orgasms.  

24. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Breaking away from your routine can add a sense of adventure to your relationship. Try something you’ve never done before, like signing up for a dance class, taking a spontaneous road trip, or exploring a hobby together. 

In the bedroom, stepping out of your comfort zone could mean trying role play, experimenting with toys or anal sex, or using blindfolds to heighten other senses. 

Discuss boundaries to ensure you’re both comfortable with the idea. The goal is to challenge yourself just enough to create excitement, whether it’s through physical, emotional, or intimate experiences.

25. Have More Quickies

Quickies are a great way to connect during a busy day. Look for opportunities when you have a few private moments together, like before leaving for work or during a quiet moment at home. 

The spontaneity and urgency can make these encounters exciting and fun. To make them even more special, flirt beforehand with suggestive texts or touches to build anticipation. 

Quickies don’t have to replace longer, more intimate sessions—they’re a way to inject passion into your day-to-day life and show that you prioritize physical connection even when time is limited.

26. Sex Toys

Introduce sex toys into your relationship to explore new sensations and bring sex to another level. Visit a store or browse online together to choose something that excites both of you. 

Start with simple options such as vibrators, massage wands, or couples’ toys designed for shared experiences. Use them during foreplay, or incorporate them into your lovemaking. 

Discuss preferences and comfort levels openly to ensure a positive experience, and clean all toys after use to avoid risking infections. 

27. Role Play

Role-playing offers an opportunity to escape routine and explore fantasies in a fun, creative way. Choose scenarios that excite you both, such as pretending to meet as strangers or reenacting a romantic movie scene. 

Use costumes, props, or dialogue to bring the roles to life, but don’t feel pressured to perform perfectly—it’s about enjoying the experience together. Start with lighthearted ideas if you’re new to role play, and let the activity evolve naturally. 

28. Mutual or Simultaneous Masturbation

Sharing the experience of mutual or simultaneous masturbation can be a massive turn-on and provide insight into your spouse’s preferences. 

With mutual masturbation, you use your hands or toys to pleasure each other, either at the same time or by taking turns. With simultaneous masturbation, you and your partner use your hands or toys to pleasure yourselves while watching each other. 

Use this time to communicate what you like and explore new techniques and lubes together. Because of the openness and vulnerability involved, this shared activity helps build trust and can serve as a bridge to discuss any insecurities or fantasies. 

29. Stay Present and Engaged During Sex

Life can be busy, but sex is not the time for running over your to-do list or worrying about what to make for dinner the next day. Focus on being fully present during intimacy to get the most out of the experience. 

Put away devices and create a calming atmosphere to avoid distractions. To stay in the moment, practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or tuning into your partner’s touch. 

Make eye contact, share affectionate words, and respond to your spouse’s cues. Focus on each sensation, and remember that sex should be just as pleasurable for you as it is for your spouse. 

30. See a Sex Therapist

Consulting a sex therapist can help address challenges or explore new ways to strengthen your relationship. Therapists provide a safe, judgment-free space to discuss concerns, from mismatched libidos to communication barriers. 

Look for a certified professional specializing in couples therapy or intimacy issues. Sessions may include exercises to improve communication, build trust, or explore shared desires. 

How To Spice up Your Marriage: Tips for Couples With Kids

Balancing marriage and parenting can be challenging, but nurturing your relationship is vital for a happy family. With intentional effort and creativity, you can keep the spark alive while managing the demands of raising kids. Here are actionable tips:

1. Schedule Regular Alone Time: Arrange for a babysitter or swap childcare with friends to create time for date nights or quiet evenings at home.
2. Use Nap Time Wisely: Turn kids’ naps into opportunities for quick intimacy or quality conversations with your spouse.
3. Create a Couples’ Ritual: Establish daily or weekly rituals, such as a bedtime talk, morning coffee together, or Saturday morning walks, to stay connected.
4. Express Affection Throughout the Day: Show love with hugs, kisses, or kind gestures, even during busy routines.
5. Be Playful: Send flirty texts or leave sweet notes for your spouse to find amid the chaos of family life.
6. Share Parenting Responsibilities: Divide tasks fairly to reduce stress and create more energy for your relationship.
7. Reconnect After Kids’ Bedtime: Dedicate time after the children are asleep to relax, talk, or enjoy intimacy without interruptions.
8. Take Mini Vacations: Plan occasional getaways, even for just one night, to recharge as a couple.
9. Model a Loving Relationship: Show affection and teamwork in front of your kids to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
10. Be Patient With Each Other: Acknowledge that parenting (and marriage) is tough, and prioritize kindness and understanding in your interactions.

How To Spice up Your Marriage: Tips for Seniors

Aging brings changes to relationships, but it also opens opportunities to restore closeness and rediscover passion. Here are actionable tips to enhance your marriage:

1. Prioritize Physical Health: Stay active with regular exercise and a balanced diet, which can boost energy and libido.
2. Experiment With Nonpenetrative Intimacy: Explore activities such as sensual massages or extended foreplay to connect without pressure.
3. Address Physical Changes Together: Communicate openly about changes such as reduced lubrication or erectile issues, and consider using aids such as arousal creams or lubricants.
4. Plan Regular Date Nights: Schedule outings or cozy nights at home to maintain emotional closeness.
5. Embrace New Hobbies Together: Try painting, gardening, or dancing to create fresh shared experiences.
6. Use Technology for Connection: Send sweet or playful messages during the day to keep the romance alive.
7. Talk About Sexual Desires: Share fantasies or preferences that may have evolved over time.
8. See a Specialist if Needed: Consult a doctor or therapist to address physical or emotional barriers to intimacy.
9. Celebrate Your Journey: Reminisce over photos, letters, or past milestones to honor your shared history.
10. Laugh Together: Keep humor alive—it’s a powerful way to maintain closeness and reduce stress.

Final Thoughts

Reinvigorating your marriage isn’t a one-time task but a continuous commitment to staying present, curious, and connected with each other. 

Whether you’re rediscovering intimacy, creating new experiences, or embracing the comfort of shared silence, the key is making those moments matter. 

You don’t need a dramatic change—small, intentional efforts to nurture your relationship can lead to profound growth. 

By embracing new ways to connect, you’ll ensure your bond remains strong and exciting. The best part? You’re always learning and evolving together. 

Now that you know how to spice up your marriage, how far you take it is up to you.

Explore Vella today to discover the difference that science-backed sexcare products can make in your marriage.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I spice up my boring marriage?

Reignite passion by scheduling date nights, surprising your partner with thoughtful gestures, and communicating openly about desires. Explore new experiences together, such as travel or hobbies, to create shared excitement and prioritize intimacy with meaningful physical and emotional connections.

What is the hardest year of marriage?

The first year and years with major transitions—such as having children or midlife shifts—are often challenging because they test communication and adaptability. If needed, open dialogue, mutual understanding, and professional help can ease these transitions and strengthen your bond.

How to add excitement to your marriage?

Break routines by trying new activities, from adventurous outings to bedroom experimentation. Share fantasies, plan surprises, and reconnect emotionally. Spend quality time together, engage in playful banter, and embrace spontaneity to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

How do I make my marriage fun again?

Infuse fun by laughing together and exploring hobbies you both enjoy. Plan silly surprises, playful games, or nostalgic dates. Flirt more often, reminisce about your favorite memories, and prioritize time together to nurture joy and revive your connection.